photographs

 Today was that day...the day I stared into my cluttered craft room and decided I had to de-clutter and clean out! Now that we are moving soon, I have been doing a lot of de-cluttering and de-junking around this house.  Jeff has the kids this weekend, so it's nice and quiet around here and I've been getting a lot done.  Turned on my ipod, ready to get to work de-cluttering yay!

Wow, I hadn't been through these photos or old keepsakes in years!

Box one...old highschool photos! I was so young once! Dang prom was fun! Aww the good old days:)

Keep, throw away, keep, throw away...

I started going through some pictures I hadn't seen in a while...the birth of my first born, my daughters kindergarten graduation, our family trip to Yellowstone with our best friends, first Christmas with our new baby...wow what fun, old memories! A lot of the pictures absolutely cracked me up! Man these memories seemed like a lifetime ago!!

What do I do with all these old pictures?  I don't think I can get myself to throw them away...

My favorite song came on my ipod right then, Somewhere Over the Rainbow. Suddenly I felt a knot it my stomach, then a lump in my throat, I kind of knew what was coming.  I literally was telling myself, "don't you dare do it, don't you dare!"  I felt the tears start to burn my eyes, I couldn't help it.  Sitting on the floor in my craft room.. and the tears came and came.  I cried..and cried

I imagine this has happened to several other people who have been divorced or maybe lost someone and gone through old photos that brought back memories.
I felt a million different emotions in just a few minutes...sadness for the old memories, happiness that the memories existed, loneliness, a little scared for the upcoming changes, frustration that I was even put in this position to begin with, content with my life, proud of how strong I am, hope for the future...lots of emotions!!  I sat there wondering what am I supposed to do with all these photos.  My friend suggested I make a box for each kid and keep some old family photos in each box along with some keepsakes.  I think that is a great idea. 

It's funny how my blog used to be a "get caught up with the Newman fam" kind of blog.  I feel now, it is a place for me to express myself, or a place to vent if you will.  I'm not going to lie, sometimes, divorced life can get extremely lonely.  Sometimes the hustle and bustle of everyday life with kids, work, bills, homework, cleaning, cooking dinner, being taxi mom, can become a little overwhelming.  When you finally get the kids to bed and breathe that sigh of relief... listen to the sound of peace and quiet... then realize you really wish you had someone to talk to about your day.... and then look at the big empty bed you get to crawl into alone... it is a feeling that MANY people besides me have felt, and it is a feeling I wouldn't wish upon anybody. 

I hope I don't ever come off as if I am having a pitty party.  I am so happy with my life and feel so blessed with all that is in my life...but sometimes we all have to feel...and we all feel differently.

Today I remembered a lot of old memories, Some I threw away, some I saved and some will be in my heart forever.